October rant and random thoughts

Some days feel more tough than others. I sit here, constantly thinking about everything going on and taking things day by day, hoping everything will work out. Hearing each breath I’m taking, staying quiet enough to hear each heartbeat pump through my body. Caught within a storm in my own mind that I can’t control. I know I’m not the only person to ever feel this way even if sometimes things are seemingly shutting down in front of me and shutting me out. Some days, I feel lost and hurt. Other days, I’m overjoyed to even be awake. Finding reasons to get up out of bed in the morning is, for the most part, one of the more difficult things I’ve ever had to do. All I know is that I’ll be alright, in one way or another because I’m too damn stubborn give up on myself or keep myself from trying.

A lot of people won’t agree with me on this topic, but I feel as though everyone feels loss in their own unique way. If it’s someone you love, someone you’ve known or someone you haven’t even heard of before until that point in time. You hear people’s voices, read their stories and think to yourself “What would I have done in that same situation?”. The answer isn’t as simple as everyone would believe. It isn’t as easy to choose to believe that things will never be better than they are or trust in ourselves that everything will be alright and maybe even better eventually. Whether we like it or not, we will all experience loss. No matter who you are or where you come from in the world, it’s the one thing that’s absolutely inevitable. But the good side of all this loss and all of this pain is that others have gone through something similar. It may have not been exactly what you yourself have faced, but you never have to bare alone.

In my own personal opinion, there are three paths and choices people make with every thought. They are “This will never be good enough” the negative path, “This is as good as it gets” the positive path and “This can be so much better” the progressive path. I feel as though every decision we make will first rely on one of these choices. Take for instance something as simple as going outside during a day. You could decide “I won’t go outside today, even if it is nice out”. There’s “Okay, I’m outside, but I’ll go around the block for a little walk. That would be pretty good”. Then there’s “Yesterday I went around the block, maybe today I’ll go further”. Our smallest decisions may seem minuscule compared to our normal goals and aspirations, but they all have their own special place of the jigsaw puzzle of life that we have to figure out.

In order to succeed, you need to fail first. The only way to live is to believe in yourself and don’t let anyone else bring you down or say you aren’t capable of doing something. They can’t judge your potential because it’s only something you know from your own experiences. Never be afraid to make mistakes because everyone has. The reason why we make mistakes is so that we can learn from them, dust ourselves off and see things from a different perspective. We may not be able to choose the life we were born into, but we can choose who we will become and carve our own path. The road that leads you to better yourself isn’t an easy one nor is it set in stone. It’s full of ups, downs and caverns that you have to try your best to walk on. It takes a lot to stay on your own two feet sometimes. Just remember that if you do fall, the only way left to go is up.