I once felt as though I was stuck in life and headed nowhere. It was in 2013 and I had quit my job at the Ultramar gas station and spent the better part of 6 months living off what little savings I had. I remember at one point I stayed up for about 5 days, worried myself sick about what I was going to do in life because I wanted to be someone. I wanted to do well, succeed, and make progress in life, not for anyone else or any specific reason, I wanted this for myself. I wanted more for myself.
So, at the end of the 5 day movie, games, and food binge I was on, I passed out. I must have slept for a solid 10 hours. I had a dream that I could fly but ended up being caged in by these giant wires that would shock me if I got too close to them. There was room to go through without being shocked, but the fear of being shocked kept me from leaving. I remember waking up, laying in bed, and thinking about this dream for hours. I still think about it a lot to this day. I felt as though it was trying to tell me to try new things, take more chances, stop letting myself be caged in for no reason when I could be getting out and doing more.
I started meeting new people, I started a new job just a week later, I would go out to movies by myself or I would take a friend with me, I got my license, I would go on small adventures by myself, and all of this helped me clear my head. After 4 years of doing that job, I started to realize what I really wanted to do was help people, so I applied to work as a guard with the commissionaires and also decided to try for the paramedic course that was being offered in Goose Bay. I was successful and managed to pass the course, but had gotten an offer to work at the RCMP detachment, so I did that instead. Most of my coworkers were incredible, the officers that I had the pleasure of working alongside are all outstanding at their jobs, and I got to meet and deal with thousands of people from all backgrounds. I even got to travel for work at one point and hated every minute of it, but it was a good experience overall.
Now, I work a great job from home, I still guard for the commissionaires from time to time, but I really do love what I do. I’m bringing all of this up because I had that same dream again last night and I wasn’t afraid of the wires shocking me anymore. I look forward to what the future has to offer. I look forward to trying new things, working on getting healthy, getting better at my job, making new friends, and pushing myself to be a better person.
For the first time in my life, I’m looking ahead.
Thanks for reading
March 29th 2021
I kind of hate the saying “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”.
It doesn’t make you stronger from surviving, it scars you. The scars you see and feel each day are a constant reminder of whatever stupid shit got you into that situation in the first place.
All you can do is learn from it and move forward.
What makes you stronger is who you choose to have in your life as you move forward. That’s when you realize that the scars that were a terrible reminder become a story, a stepping stone from your past, that will continue to be there but now it hurts less.
Scars will heal, memories won’t, but that’s okay. You’ll be okay.
Tomorrow will always be better than yesterday. No matter how much we try to change the things that have been done and said, we just simply can’t. All we can do is look forward to tomorrow. No matter what happens in life, there will always be a tomorrow. I like to try and live my life knowing that pain never lasts. No matter how bad that pain may seem, it will pass. I know that in the moment, that pain seems like it will last forever, but the truth is that something or someone will come along and make the pain you’re experiencing just a memory. If things go well enough, it could become a memory that is eventually forgotten. There’s always hope. There’s always happiness. There’s always a reason to smile. So if you’re feeling down today, just know that your reason to smile is out there somewhere, even if it takes until tomorrow to find.
Sometimes, life seems as useless as a half baked potato.
You can’t eat it, because its half raw.
You can’t replant it because its half cooked.
The problem is that the potato wont improve until its finished baking.
Find a reason to bake your potato, friends.
Don’t be the person people expect you to be. Be the person they least expect. Don’t waste time trying to prove yourself to everyone around you when the only person that can make a difference is already standing in your shoes. Never forget that you can’t possibly ever be replaced and that you’re valued no matter how you currently feel about the situations going on in your world. Never forget that there’s always someone who sees you in a different light than you see yourself. Learn to see things from a different perspective. Value the little moments that make you smile and fill your life with people that always manage to make your day worth living. Take pride in your accomplishments, no matter how great or minuscule they may appear. Set goals and work towards crossing them off your list, no matter how daunting or intimidating they are. Be happy, through everything.