March 29th 2021
I kind of hate the saying “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”.
It doesn’t make you stronger from surviving, it scars you. The scars you see and feel each day are a constant reminder of whatever stupid shit got you into that situation in the first place.
All you can do is learn from it and move forward.
What makes you stronger is who you choose to have in your life as you move forward. That’s when you realize that the scars that were a terrible reminder become a story, a stepping stone from your past, that will continue to be there but now it hurts less.
Scars will heal, memories won’t, but that’s okay. You’ll be okay.
I find it difficult sometimes to describe how I feel about life and the things going on in it at the current moment. Looking back on things and thinking about each moment more clearly helps me to realize that every “mistake” I’ve made, hasn’t really been a mistake at all. People do things all the time that they regret, but they really shouldn’t. You learn from the things you think you did wrong. I’d compare it mostly to a math problem. You could easily say two and two are five together and people will tell you it’s wrong and you’ll learn that in being wrong, your knowlege expands so you can comprehend the true answer. The same goes for every day things in life as well. You’ll find things difficult at times because it will seem as though you have the wrong answers to everything, but that’s how you learn. There are other ways to go about situations or tasks that make you feel as though your doing something wrong from your point of view, but someone else may think it’s the best way to go about things. Sometimes a little collaboration goes a long way. The worst thing that can happen is that you fail and if you fail, so what? Learn from your error and better your response or help one another work things out so that it benefits more than one individual.
I feel as though I see things from a different point of view than most people. I see a bad day like an empty glass that’s ready to be filled with joy and laughter to make the bad parts of it less painful. Sometimes it doesn’t help at all. Some days the dark cloud that looms overhead doesn’t want to break apart and let the sun shine through to brighten your day. Other times the drearyness seems to fall apart with a simple smile. I find my friends are the better part of me. They make each moment, each memory and each emotion feel more intense than they would be if I was alone. I could watch hilarious movies for days and not even crack a smile but with friends, everything feels better. I’d much rather spend an hour with a friend doing absolutely nothing than spend an entire day completely alone. For that hour it can feel as though you don’t have a worry in the world because you’re spending time with someone that will understand your sarcasm and humor. With each joke, sarcastic comment or item being thrown at you, you become more aware that without friends the gloomy day will keep on nagging at you until you’re driven mad. But the important thing is that you also realize that with each of those moments comes another memory for the both of you to look back on fondly.
Expressing myself is something that I’ve also had difficulties with in the past. Nothing is worse than being hyper and energetic about waking up and accomplishing something that day but have nothing to do that you can think of. There are always plenty of things to do. For me, it’s my art, my writing, all kinds of games and music. Not only do I get to write and visualize my feelings and emotions in print and on paper, but I get to do it for everyone to see. It feels incredible to focus on something and finish it and know that whatever was on your mind or stressing you out is meaningless compared to what you’ve just done. Allowing myself to open up to the general public and the people I know helped me crawl out of my shell of being told what I couldn’t do, which had opened my eyes to the wonderous amount of things that I know I can and will do. If someone tells you that you can’t do something, try anyways. At least then you’ll know for yourself if they were right and get to see the look on their face if they’re wrong. Life doesn’t seem to be about what you can’t do or the things you’re told are impossible. It’s about standing up and believing in yourself enough to know that you can do the things you want to do, accomplish goals and become a better you. You wont get better from believing you can’t do something. You’ll become better from knowing that you, at least, gave it a chance.