Story time.
I once felt as though I was stuck in life and headed nowhere. It was in 2013 and I had quit my job at the Ultramar gas station and spent the better part of 6 months living off what little savings I had. I remember at one point I stayed up for about 5 days, worried myself sick about what I was going to do in life because I wanted to be someone. I wanted to do well, succeed, and make progress in life, not for anyone else or any specific reason, I wanted this for myself. I wanted more for myself.
So, at the end of the 5 day movie, games, and food binge I was on, I passed out. I must have slept for a solid 10 hours. I had a dream that I could fly but ended up being caged in by these giant wires that would shock me if I got too close to them. There was room to go through without being shocked, but the fear of being shocked kept me from leaving. I remember waking up, laying in bed, and thinking about this dream for hours. I still think about it a lot to this day. I felt as though it was trying to tell me to try new things, take more chances, stop letting myself be caged in for no reason when I could be getting out and doing more.
I started meeting new people, I started a new job just a week later, I would go out to movies by myself or I would take a friend with me, I got my license, I would go on small adventures by myself, and all of this helped me clear my head. After 4 years of doing that job, I started to realize what I really wanted to do was help people, so I applied to work as a guard with the commissionaires and also decided to try for the paramedic course that was being offered in Goose Bay. I was successful and managed to pass the course, but had gotten an offer to work at the RCMP detachment, so I did that instead. Most of my coworkers were incredible, the officers that I had the pleasure of working alongside are all outstanding at their jobs, and I got to meet and deal with thousands of people from all backgrounds. I even got to travel for work at one point and hated every minute of it, but it was a good experience overall.
Now, I work a great job from home, I still guard for the commissionaires from time to time, but I really do love what I do. I’m bringing all of this up because I had that same dream again last night and I wasn’t afraid of the wires shocking me anymore. I look forward to what the future has to offer. I look forward to trying new things, working on getting healthy, getting better at my job, making new friends, and pushing myself to be a better person.
For the first time in my life, I’m looking ahead.
Thanks for reading
visual
Random memory.
One time when I was like 10-11 years old, I was walking on the hills path up next to our first house growing up and there was a huge area of water that normally isn’t there.
For the people who lived in the area, there was a dirt road on the left that led to the dungeon and to the right was a bog, a burn pit for bonfires , and a fenced off garden. In the middle of that there was usually a grassy field with two hills where we would usually go sliding in the winter. It was the first time I had noticed all the water pooling, but we had enough snow that year to create the small pond.
I decided to go to the pond next to a farm just down the road and “trap” trout and bring them to the flooded area I found and released them. I probably did this for a good 3 weeks and those buggers actually started spawning. I would go there every day after school to check on them and would spend most of the day on weekends just wading through the freezing water with the fish swimming around.
After about 4 months, the water started to dry up. It really sucked visiting there every day and the water being lower and lower. So I started taking the fish back to the pond.
Not sure why I did it, but it was my own little thing that I think only I knew about.
The Wayfarer’s Lullaby
Sea Shanty.
The winds call me home
With words of rain,
the skies turning grey
through each window pane,
The hope that will free
My mornings with light,
eclipsed by the shoreline
my hearth is in sight.
Yo ho all hands
Refill my tankard
And I’ll tell you a tale
Of the depths of the oceans
And the dreams I once had
Tales of the storms we all have to withstand
Yo ho all hands.
Anticipation for each wave
all feels the same,
the ale flows ice cold
Into each vein,
My mind had been battered
like the hull through thunder,
A broken man now
awaiting the long slumber.
Yo ho all hands
Refill my tankard
And ill tell you a tale
Of the harshness of women
And why the seas aren’t as bad
Tales of the storms we all have to withstand
Yo ho all hands.
I will never again see
Such glory and riches,
salt air still smiles with me
Through the wounds and stiches,
But still I’ll stand tall
Hold my head up high,
Each chug of rum
Is it’s own battle cry.
Yo ho all hands
Refill my tankard
And ill tell you a tale
Of lands far away
And the friendships I had
Tales of the storms we all have to withstand
Yo ho all hands.
The yarns I carry with me
aren’t all filled with dread,
memory of family
with the sunrise ahead,
A smile and the tears
Worth their weight in gold,
Lost to the seas
And a story untold.
Yo ho all hands
Refill my tankard
And ill tell you a tale
Of who I once was
And what I could have had
Tales of the storms we all have to withstand
Yo ho all hands.
“The Rocks and the Water”
I want to feel your kiss
and to be called yours
too long I’ve been the earth
and you have been my sea,
I’ve been looking out upon you
from stone riddled cliffs
wanting your love
to wash over me.
I would reach out for miles
wanting to hold you
falling apart piece by piece
but you could only wave,
I cover myself at night
confined to what little comfort
from the sandy blankets
that we have made.
You are the moon
to my star lit sky
making my view more amazing
than I ever thought it could be,
still I desire you
only to embrace you as my own
for I am your earth
and you are my sea.
“Spring”
Waiting for a moment
where looking through foggy glass
changes into staring deep into a star lit evening
as our very souls begin to feel more active
listening to each breath turn into excitement
breaking the silence of a chilled and frozen view
dawn brings a new beginning
the blinding light of a renewing warmth reflecting from the earth
as if there were two skies
thawing which seemed to be never ending
while new color shines light into life
and the skies reach further into our hearts
from horizon to horizon.
“Flux”
Every breath is a moment preserved
the earth beneath each footstep becomes more elevating than the last
with clouds seeming to dance excitedly though a sea of azure
making the air feel like a precious gift
wind forces its way through columns of aged grey stone
caressing the countless fortitude of hills to rest on an ocean of reaching arms
unwilling to release the last few leaves it holds dear
with another gentle touch of persuasion they break free from their bonds
brittle with memories of the life they once held onto
to sweep the ground with the friends they’ve learned to love
bringing nourishment for an upcoming spring
The days are a shining heartbeat
mirroring frigid evenings that become prolonged
darkness intercepts the solace of Autumn
frost grasping onto all that it can to linger for a moment longer
vibrance above fading into menacing and unwanted shadows
distressing shrouds of a ghostly veil are draped loosely over strong shoulders
engulfing all that was once radiant and pristine
sending chills throughout a web of unrelenting cruelty
the dawn of countless descending crystals resting upon one another
breaking the silent abyss with bursts of vigorous light
revealing vast wastelands of purity
serenity through the eye of the storm.
Bitter nightmares are best forgotten
anchors that once held the earth down in suppression
lift like a sudden breeze becoming less daunting
eyes that sleep awaken to a new world of plenty
barren soil bursting with joy to replenish
rejuvenating happiness begins again in turbulent downpours
heavens weeping for the land they had previously given up on
replacing lifeless limbs with crowns teeming of foliage
returning the small reward bestowed with thankful expressions
verdant hands reach new heights in eagerness
overjoyed as if meeting the mothers they had yet to know
patience through understanding.
The mist of Spring deteriorates
rushing sunrise like a river overflowing of pink bellied salmon
chariots of warmth race through creation spreading prosperity
breaking the velvet petals free to unleash a blanket of luminance
remedying both mind and soul to surrender the body
each rainfall more welcomed than the last
refreshment to thirsty mouths buried deep beneath the surface
arcs of color bend through the clearing horizon
smiling upon the world below with confidence
unable to distinguish between a calm sea and the resplendent sky
reflections seeming to have no past or future
ageless through absolute beauty.
Leveling Forward 