December 3rd, midnight ramblings.

If you could go back to your five year old self, what would you say? Would you just give encouragement to try and better your own life or try and convince yourself that you would rather just let things be? Would you try to tell yourself that you want to take a certain path with a specific career or would you try and put yourself on a more difficult path because you know you could handle it? It’s definitely one of the more difficult things to ponder upon. It’s difficult to image what your life would be like if you chose to make better decisions sooner, but I guess that’s human nature to want to go back and tell yourself what your future could be like if only you made the right choices. But then again when you’re five, the right choice might be whether or not to color the sky green or not.

If I could go back, I’d tell myself not to worry so much. I was always worried when I was a kid. I always worried about living up to my older siblings and wanted to be better than them at everything. I worried about my family noticing me for who I was instead of focusing on my mistakes. I worried about what people thought of me too much and I feel as though that had a major effect on the way I acted. I was energetic, but I was timid and this led me to want to be on my own more and focus on things that directly envolved myself while trying not to bother anyone else. I would go back and tell myself to be more creative and outgoing that I had been, to always believe in myself more than anyone else could as well as tell myself to always mingle and try to make more friends than I had. One thing is for sure though, I would have told myself not to color within the lines so much and that you can always add to something to make it better. Not obeying the rules sometimes is what makes life just a little more exciting, as long as it doesn’t get you in too much trouble.

Now that I’m older and I get a chance to reflect on the way I was and the way I am now, It gives me a chance to think about my family more. I have a nephew and two wonderful nieces who I hope will succeed more in life than myself or their parents ever could. They’re a bright bunch of kids with immensely bright futures before them. The girls seem creative and always pushing themselves to learn as much as they can. Then there’s Mason, my nephew. It’s scary how you can see yourself in someone that’s a lot younger than you but understand completely that he’s trying his best but still likes to joke around, have fun and relax to some video games. All I can hope for them is that they push themselves and become motivated enough to do what they truly want to do in life. Whatever will make them happy is what we’ll support them doing.

If i had to give a message to each one of them, I’d tell Taylor to keep being creative and imagine new things that no one else has. I’d tell Abigayle to be more like her mother, that’s for sure, but also keep drawing. I enjoy seeing her drawings because it also reminds me of how I was. I’d tell Mason to keep playing games and create his own identity that he thinks everyone will look up to. I know it sounds odd but I know now from years of experience that it will help him focus and be more determined when it comes to everyday things and decisions as well as better prepare him for a future of awesomeness. One thing I’ll be sure to remind them though is that they shouldn’t let anyone bring them down or tell them that their hobbies are distracting them from real life. It’s what they want to do and we have no way of knowing if they’ll become famous for it eventually. Hopefully if they do, they’ll remember me and buy me a nice house, though.

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